It’s a long Monday, fishing for Louisa and becoming Jesus Christ, 100,000,000,000 followers, 1 following, 100 tweets and a packet of Bacon!

Ok the evil repeating Monday night conundrum has arrived to disturb another early night, this time sticking with the same rather annoyingly clever website Twitter. Since Twitter vs. My mind I have posted 3, count um, 3 tweets, whilst tweeting away I thought I would mindlessly squander more of my early night time by following some of my inspirational heroes of the television world. I was absolutely astonished to find that I can be Jesus Christ, if the great man himself were to have a Twitter profile, which when you think about would be a rather nifty way of keeping track of those followers and the sins they will be committing. After further thought it could be used to great effect in pioneering new ways of repenting (I really don’t mean to offend the religious communities out there. Its just how my mind works unfortunately.), status…..I repent my sin of not loving thy neighbours sodding children who have managed to block the toilet because they wanted and underwater adventure with army men, a submarine and a full toilet roll. What a way for Jesus to be loved in this new technological age we live in. So after getting even more annoyed as I surfed Twitter’s inhabitants for Richard Bacon (for whom don’t know who Richard Bacon is, he is a wonderful man who at one point presented the most out of date kids show to grace our beautiful TV screens and the most iconic, ground breaking, morning TV show called The Big Breakfast) only to find that there are two Richard Bacon’s and they are both presenters, who look the same, dress the same, but they aren’t twins because they haven’t been spawned by the same mother, they have even worked on the same TV show’s at the same time, how did they not meet each other? You’re now thinking just like me that we need some twilight zone music here but, alas, no we don’t as the latter Richard Bacon I came across is not actually the Richard Bacon. Realising now that I have actually been on this same evil roundabout with the Louisa Lytton affair on Myspace, many years ago. I was looking for the lovely Louisa Lytton whom I had grown to adore as the loveable Ruby Allen in EastEnders, There was over 15 people pretending to be her all stating, I am the real Louisa, don’t believe Louisa123 as they are clearly fake pictures of me says Louisa1234, but then Louisa (90210) states, please don’t believe any of the above Louisa’s they are clearly fake, believe me as I have a link to my real Louisa (Fansite) website with new head shot photos comments please! Arrrgh, I actually spent hours reading this drivel desperately trying to find the real Louisa Lytton, this endless round about should be in people’s nightmares not real life! In the end I gave up and went to have a smoke and to begin to comprehend this nauseating adventure of fishing for Louisa. All I wanted to say to her is Hello and I commend her moving performance about the death of her on screen father, and that I too had been in such a similar situation. Also that her acting should be awarded some sort of Grammy, we will call it a “Soapy” a cleaver adaptation of Grammy and Soap! You think I would learn, but clearly I didn’t, now back to finding Bacon. This then poses a fresh new dilemma for me to ponder over, which Bacon is the real Bacon? You quickly establish that the one with the less followers isn’t the Richard Bacon but some imbecile who is probably just as insane as me, pretending to be my iconic, morning TV hero Richard Bacon. I mean my mind is fragile enough without me then having to have an argument with myself, with both sides of my mind each presenting convincing evidence to which is the real Bacon. Bacon number one has the more believable profile picture but Bacon number two sounds like how Richard would sound, oh the dilemma! In the end I went for the one who had the more believable profile picture and the most followers. At this point I have come across the same dilemma with each inspirational actor/presenter I find, Killjoys! So I begin to think well short of my witty status’s I have nothing left to do on this Twitter session but log off and begin the great journey into the pros of becoming the man himself, Jesus on Twitter. Actually you could market this into a film not “Snakes on a Plane” but “Almighty Twitter Jesus” sin if you dare! (Clearly, time well spent on a Monday night) Well this enough of Twitter now. Now to start on the bigger picture, why the arse across the road continues to park on the road whilst his drive gathers dust and weeds, causing me to have to park half a mile up the road, Real Dilemmas!


Good night, God bless and don’t have nightmares!

Twitter vs. Facebook vs. my mind = Speedo’s and Count Duckula.

This has kept me up for endless nights thinking why Twitter is so popular. Now I can understand why Facebook is so popular as it has endless ways of keeping you occupied during those lazy, boring hours of the day, where doing anything that involves thinking of interesting thought provoking statuses and sharing to the world or just your friends, absolutely everything about you and your life. Actually if anyone bothered to come up to me to ask me, I would gladly tell them I am a Pisces and I live in a town called Birmingham. But actually I’m glad that that some people don’t come to me and ask me such questions, because I have been led to believe that talking to some one via a social interaction site, is just as good as talking to them to their face. I seem to have more confidence when speaking to people on Facebook, believing I can’t say anything stupid even though I have a status that clearly says “whoops I just farted on the bus”. With Facebook you eradicate the endless boring and sometimes nauseating conversations such as “what have you been up to today” when really you have nothing more you want to say other than “hello, how are you?” Facebook offers you the chance to be who you want to be, say what you want to say, and speak to who you need to or want to, without the nervous and nauseating meetings in life. But actually it is still a sad way to spend your precious time that we often complain that there is just not enough of in life, but actually if you try and evaluate how you actually spent each hour you may be pleasantly surprised by the amount of time we actually squander, but isn’t it fun! But Twitter really is the lowest ebb of time squandering. Twittering offers the chance to (fanfair sound) tell the world in a limit of 160 words (not precise. I will save that though to analyse for later) what your thinking, doing, going to do, looking forward to and that’s pretty much it, other than commenting on other tweets and follow people who you know or dream of knowing. Just like this blog you must be thinking (if you are insane enough to be reading this) is doing exactly what Twitter and Facebook do but without the limited word count and you would be right! But Twitter really annoys me as probably just like this blog no one will read it but, ha, ha if I were to be a celebrity I would have flocks of tweets and pokes and posts, saying how much u agree with my “James has just gone for a poo” status, and how you love me and enjoy watching my trials and tribulations as whatever character I portray in a soap or film, (whatever you should get the picture). When you actually think about it Twitter and Facebook etc is actually quite clever, and some genius has actually capitalised on something we do everyday. E.g. making friends, gathering friends, talking to friends and simplified it right down to a short sentence of what we want to tell those friends. This is without actually having to go through the ritual of texting or ringing them, seeing if they are free, arranging a date, going there, splashing the cash on and overly expensive tea and cake, only to tell them this short sentence which could be, how they have said or done something to offend you, or just to make them aware your ok, and you enjoyed your holiday. In fact social interaction sites cut out the middle man in the process of meeting up to show your nearest and dearest your holiday snaps. You can actually do it while you enjoy your tea in your favourite mug made to perfection, in your underwear, in your cosy bed, in a matter of minuets you can then reap the picture comments sent to you on your best Speedo pose! It’s ingenious but bloody annoying because you actually didn’t think of capitalising on such common ritual in life.
Well officially my rant is actually over, I believe I sufficiently covered in depth this constant sleep depriving offender that caused me to re-wind my DVD over 11 times last night.

To quote from Count Duckula (I like this quote)
“Goodnight out there, whatever you are”