Macaulay Culkin should star in my new TV project, Anxiety – Britain's new real-life soap! Star cast includes Spiderman, The Wet Bandits as they raid the Den and Angie's Queen Vic and save the world from the sprouts of doom....EPIC!

From writing my book Lauren this week, I have found myself thinking about the state of British soaps. This really is a random rambling. I have decided when I have finished writing my first book, I am going to begin by creating my new soap ‘Anxiety – Britain's new real-life soap!'. Right scouts honor now, I solemnly promise not to become over dramatic to the extremes of Phil Mitchell on crack, the pope turning Jewish or a Tram crash/pub fire. Well I may take back the pub fire. It’s Christmas time, and what do you think when you think of television over the Christmas period? You think about what dramatic soap storylines are we going to be treated to this Christmas, Exploding Christmas puddings, sprouts of doom killing most of the cast..... Still one of the top most dramatic Christmas story lines and unforgettable EastEnders moments has got to be Christmas 1986, the year we were treated to Den's delightful xmas present to his wife Angie “this my sweet is a letter from my solicitor, telling you your husband is filing a petition for divorce.... Happy Christmas Ange” 30.2 million people tuned in that Christmas to watch the decimation of Den and Angie Watts’ marriage. This particular episode to become a cult classic in Britain and a firm favourite with the majority of EastEnders fans. 

From soaps to xmas films comes another cult classic, Home Alone, a kick back to the 90s. My era will remember the immortal words “Merry Christmas you filthy animal” as Macaulay Culkin protects his house from the wet bandits, as Macaulay himself calls Harry of the wet bandits  “the bald psycho” in this latest video “just me in the house by myself”. Macaulay has vastly improved in my estimation of him as an actor because to be fair, he’s gone from a cute little boy to looking like a young, blonde Steve Buscemi or even, just a random blonde hobo. As an aspiring actor myself it’s a shame to see such a fantastic talent fall so far from grace and so dramatically. It also makes me realise how lucky I am to have a family who wouldn’t pillage me of my own hard earned cash if I was a child film star. You do however have to quote Spiderman which is obscenely random even for this rant “with great power comes great responsibility” with all his money safely heading towards him and two failed marriages apparently it seems he turned to drugs. This almost seems a relevant point as you will see in the short film and his performance in “just me in the house by myself” where we are treated to an almost psychedelic feel in a film about an adult Kevin McAllister. Adult Kevin ends up torturing a guy who hijacks his car or should I say his wife’s Honda. Bizarrely enough I actually really enjoyed watching this, from the little 'in' jokes about what happened in the first two films, to his ring tone (which is a massive song from the home alone film) that turns sour as he reveals his mother is calling him. I shan’t spoil this short film for you, this is a must watch for any Macaulay Culkin fans, home alone, 90s film fans or even people who were around in the early 90s to remember this film. What really resonates with me is the real-life aspect of what been left home alone twice and been stalked by two criminals albeit stupid criminals would do to you especially your mentality. Who wouldn’t be severely scarred if their parents managed to forget you and go on two holidays especially after forgetting him the first time? Follow the link to watch the video and treat yourself to a 90s flashback. 

To all my wonderful readers who have been reading my random ramblings (let’s face it they really are random.) I thank you from the bottom of my heart, also thank you for continuing to support me in the writing of my first book “Lauren”. I sincerely solemnly promise to provide you with more randomness over the Christmas period and regular updates on the book #followthatstar #LaurenbyJamesCEllis

Link to new short film staring Macaulay Culkin

Merry Christmas you filthy animals and good night out there, whatever you are.

James Churchill Ellis

The branch of theology that is concerned with the end of the world or of humankind, 11 letters, Clue, Phil Mitchell, a crack house + the pope. End?

The quick ramble, x100.

Just like the quick crossword in the paper comes the 3rd instalment of The Ramblings of an overactive mind; its easy to digest and probably going to take until lunch time to complete. Actually you gave up on the cross word after spending the longest 5 mins of your life working out that one down is not gammon as it isn't a fish, which may surprise none of you but it surprised me! But again I am the one who has spent endless hours discussing the merits of Julia's theme from EastEnders. To the folks out there who don't watch EastEnders due to its fantastically true to life depiction of the jolly cockneys from the east end of our beloved capital, Julia’s theme is a special musical ending that is given as one of EastEnders highest accolade to an iconic EastEnders character, which is bestowed by the Great British public. Julia is one of the duo who created EastEnders way back in 1985 who unleashed one the most addictively depressing soap to grace BBC 1. EastEnders is a soap that enjoys depicting some of our country's most depressing secrets to grace mankind but unfortunately it all happens in one place. In real life I think no one would move there due to our own insecurities and how easily convinced into believing that a place is cursed. Actually, I must praise EastEnders and silence all the fools out there who believe that it should be taken off air due its unrealistic story-lines. When you have a highly analytical brain, a cup of British tea, a hobnob, (man's favourite biscuit to quote Kay "the marine of the biscuit world") a spare 2 hours and a loving lady or man (not to forget the gay community in this PC day and age) to battle back the tears of extreme boredom you’re on to a winner! These opinionated non-fans of EastEnders, I believe, are very much wrong. How can they say that in real life one community would not suffer so much extreme heartache and sheer bad luck? If one was to look at the news one would find that actually most communities would all suffer most (if not all) of the heartache and bad luck that the residents of sunny Albert square do. When you analyse the story-lines over the past 25 years we have had teen pregnancy; unfortunately to the rest of the world outside of Birmingham, Britain has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in Europe, however it has just become more and more accepted over the past decade as sex has become an even bigger influence and the most readily accessible source on the internet, with little to no policing on content, especially in a day and age where 5 year old's are as computer literate as us fashionable 20 somethings! Pregnancy in the older ladies is also an issue we are recently coming across in the media, as we explored Pauline Fowler's late in life pregnancy with Martin. We have had numerous domestic violence story-lines over the past 25 years; even on my own doorstep has there been a case of a married couple with domestic violence issues, and they’re still together! EastEnders has explored many different types of cancers, and unfortunately most of us have known of someone amongst our family or friends to suffer or die from cancer. One of EastEnders’ latest story-lines has been the death of a young girl called Danielle, who was killed in a road accident. This one is particularly close to my heart as 4 years ago my 14 year old sister was killed in road accident involving an articulated lorry, where she suffered severe brain injuries. How people can begin to naively believe that these tragedies don't exist in real life or even that one family has only one tragedy is beyond stupidity. We are more than likely in our lifetime to suffer from one or more unfortunate life events, so we must commend EastEnders' guts in attempting to show the world the evils that lurk around each corner that we are blind to, that you are not the only ones to suffer. We all suffer, and if maybe one day you have to be one of the unfortunate people to have to live with such life changing events, here is a chance to see what help is out there for you and what to expect. Its not just EastEnders that does this, it’s all soaps. Thanks to soaps people have a chance to learn life lessons without actually making the mistake, for instance Brookside taught me never to get involved in hard drugs (I smoked the reefa once, as I was a naive boy!) due to the fantastic portrayal of how drugs ruin people's lives thanks to the Corkhill family. So to all the lucky people out there who have never had to experience suffering, have lead the coveted perfect life, and who want EastEnders off their screens, I think they need to sit down with a biscuit (may I recommend a hobnob, because the outlook is always less bleak with a hobnob or some crack if they have missed this week’s cloudy but throat-slittingly-good episode of EastEnders) and ponder why we watch soaps, maybe one of the reasons is that yes, we have nothing better to watch than a guilt-free look at someone else's life that is moderately worse than ours, but it’s a forum for us to understand real life and to be able love and grieve for a character is an immense achievement to the soap and the actor; to convey believability is one of the hardest tasks in an actor’s job! So don't slate them, rejoice in their ability to make you convey your own feelings, provoke life changing decisions and just entertain you. I’d like to see you try, it’s quite hard! Trust me I’ve been failing at this for quite a few years! Wow, the quickie ramble has turned into James' Times crossword, working out ridiculously hard clues to words that you will never again encounter in your life time! Such as the branch of theology that is concerned with the end of the world or of humankind, 11 letters … any ideas? Eschatology! But maybe this is a naive comment from a fool with half a hobnob, the other floating in my tea like an oaty submarine sailing the seas of PG before embarking on a gutsy (excuse the really bad pun) trip around the islands of buffoonery! To all attempting to read, this I don't have a soap box but I do like stand on one occasionally! Good luck, god bless and you’re going to need a whole lot of hobnob brain food for this one! Now to begin pondering over how we could make a tea and biscuit delivery business work, and if the pope needs a hat cleaner as that sounds like a remarkably good storyline for EastEnders, but first Phil Mitchell needs to introduce the pope to a crack house and convince him the Vatican needs an insurance job pulled on it. Real life folks, real life!

Good night out there, whatever you are!